Pittsburgh Problems

AHHH YES, SUPERBOWL! THE CLASH OF TITANS, THE END OF DAYS, THE TIME TO TAKE A NAP BECAUSE THAT GAME WAS JUST AS BAD AS THE COMMERCIALS!!! SUCKS TO BE YOU PITTSBURGH, IF ONLY YOU WOULD HAVE TAKEN MY ADVICE YOU WOULD HAVE STOOD A CHANCE. HERE'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID WRONG:

1. PENN STATE COLLEGE FRAT DOUCHEBAGS
YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, AND WE KNOW YOU CONTRIBUTED TO THIS LOSS WITH MINDLESS ACTS OF STUPIDITY AND THE GROWING URGE TO THINK YOU'RE THE BEST AT PRACTICALLY EVERYTHING ON THE PLANET. STICK TO SKIING IN THE MEN'S DOWNHILL GUYS...



2. WHERE'S POLAMALU?
NON EXISTENT. I THINK HE HAD ONE TACKLE. GIVE HIM ANOTHER ENDORSEMENT.

3. THE PHILLIES
PITTSBURGH AND PHILADELPHIA SHARE THE SAME STATE, SO OBVIOUSLY THE DOUCHE-NESS FROM THE PHILLIES RUBBED OFF ON THE ENTIRE STEELER TEAM. SCIENTIFIC FACT.

4. THE BLACK EYED PEAS HALFTIME SHOW
THE STEELERS OPENLY DECIDED TO WATCH IT INSTEAD OF STRATEGIZING HOW TO GET BACK IN THE GAME. SOME PLAYERS WERE SEEN DOING METH WITH FERGIE.

5. SERIOUSLY?
COME ON... HOW MANY INTERCEPTIONS CAN YOU THROW? HOW MANY TIMES CAN YOU PASS OVER YOUR RECIEVERS? HOW MANY TIMES CAN YOU FALL OFF YOUR MOTORCYCLE WHILE MOLESTING COLLEGE GIRLS IN NORTH KOREA? HOW LONG DO YOU HAVE TO GROW YOUR BEARD?